Spare Some Change?

Living in downtown MontrĂ©al is not for the faint of heart. You must be a little thick skinned, well dressed and sometimes a little bit crazy. I have been asked for money in so many ways that I thought there must be a course or training of some sort for street people. Imagine the curriculum….

Day 1, Squeegee Kid
This is the simplest form, all you need is a dirty bucket of water and a nasty old squeegee from the nearest gas station. Wait at lights for expensive foreign cars, look threateningly at the windshield and watch as the driver pays you upwards of $5 to keep away! Stay away from Ottawa as this activity is forbidden!

Day 2, Street hustler
Stand near a busy intersection with a bright hat, some tinfoil and a big smile. Wave at people, do antics with whatever props you have and be stern about standing in front of cars on their green light. You’ll bring in many loonies.

Day 3, Parking Meter Loser
Come up with a great hard luck story about how your car is parked “right there” and you just need a dollar to save getting a ticket. You have to look very sincere but you can easily score a loonie or twonie. If questioned about your car just run away.

Day 4, Creative Writing.
Create a cardboard sign that reads, “Need money for food”. This works only 5% of the time, how about “Need money for Beer”! Hey you just earned a 50% hit ratio. If you have a sign that reads “I need money for 420 and my dog needs money for beer” you might have the best sign yet. The change is random, but the humour is rampant.

Whatever you do, do NOT sit there, smoking a cigarette (a pack a day $10) sitting beside some beer in a paper bag, ($5 at the dep) and petting your purebred yellow lab (Priceless) while asking me for money! I can’t afford to smoke and therefore neither should you!

I may very well steal your hat or squeegee and smack you with it then send you back to the west island!

2 Comments so far

  1. andre (unregistered) on July 28th, 2006 @ 11:13 am
  2. sherry (unregistered) on July 29th, 2006 @ 10:56 pm

    I was fond of the guy who asked me like this:

    “Spare some change? A few bills? A twenty? Visa? Mastercard? We can go to the ATM if you want to use Interac.”

    I immediately turned around, smiled, and gave him some cash.

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